College was hard. I never felt like there was something I shouldn’t be doing. During breaks it felt like frantically treading water to catch up on sleep and calm down enough to head back for another four months.
Shit happened over the years, shit was dealt with. But I didn’t really start understanding the lasting impact college had on me until recently. The feeling of anxiety around always having things to do and never getting them all done. And that feeling of anxiety being so bad you don’t do anything at all. The feeling of anxiety around people being mad at me (or misinterpreting social situations). Which is partially where the feeling of loneliness comes from.
One of the reasons I started this blog was to keep track of the things I am doing so that I don’t feel overwhelmed by projects I want to do. I am capable of doing large, cool things, it just feels more difficult than it used to.
This blog will help me manage my anxiety, invent meaningful things for me to do at a job that requires almost nothing from me, and accomplish cool things.